When Big Brother is Your Mother

The voice crackled from the family communication device mounted on the ceiling. The family Ma-Lexa had notified mom of behavior requiring supervision.

“Nice bowel movement, Charley. Be sure to wipe the way we taught you.” 

“Sure mom, wait ‘till we get that bidet fixed.”

Charley had learned, long ago, the importance of his mother’s oversight from his school lessons on health and hygiene. How else to ensure he’s properly using the bathroom if no one’s watching?  Charley was such a good, good boy, understanding family time is every time.

And after all, like they say, we’re all adults here (or Charley would be in two weeks – 18 years old and here we go!) He walked outside and thought about the old days, when people used corn cobs and leaves. He looked at the autumn leaves on the ground, and laughed.

“Not on my butt,” he chuckled, “not today.”

He’d learned that people used to slink around and defecate by themselves too, in private, which sounded just as weird as using corn cobs. Barbaric. Charley’s pastor always said, “Sin number one is pride, and sin number two is shame. So since God wants us to have no shame, having caring people watch over you as you do perfectly normal things is God-like. No good deed should happen in the dark.”

And Charley definitely wanted to go to heaven, not the other place.

Later that day, the speaker above Charley’s bedroom squawked like a fast food drive-through. The helpful Pa-Lexa app had grabbed dad’s attention this time.

“Thought you were a little rough on that stroking there, Charley,” Charley’s dad was a harsh critic of his son’s masturbating, but hey, he was a cool dad who believed in the adage practice makes perfect. “Oh dad,” Charley moaned, “any landing you can walk away from is a good landing, though, right?”

Charley’s dad was a pilot and the two shared a nice father/son moment.

“Why don’t you shower up for dinner?”

“Sure thing, pop!”

After dinner, Charley went for a walk around the neighborhood. He enjoyed the songbirds. The whistling breeze, gently heralding the autumn’s arrival, whispering invisible secrets, shushing through the trees in the park. He saw the beauty in the falling leaves, colorfully floating to the ground like dying butterflies, and felt it would be wrong, somehow, to bespoil one with poop. 

He looked at the stars, and hoped someday he might be allowed to join the Orbiting Force, Sky-Lexa, who keep us all safe and secure by watching our every move. He hoped, oh how he hoped, that the school career counseling software would see him as a fitting match, and not make him an irrigation worker, like his older brother. But, hey, like they say in the New Constitution -  “THEY know best, whoever THEY may happen to be.”

His feet had taken him past his school, and his eyes happened across the State mottos carved in stone above the front door.

“Being watched is being loved.

Caring is sharing… everything.

Only Criminals have something to hide.

No one should ever be alone.”

He scanned overhead the flocks and flocks of drones at every altitude and smiled broadly as it made him feel as though he were covered with a blanket of security. With this much assistance, how could anyone not succeed at anything? How could anyone ever feel lonely?

He felt warm.

And safe.

 “Eighteen in two weeks,” he said as he skipped along the street, hoping someone watching somewhere would be impressed by his nimbleness. Then, he’d be old enough to tune into the mandatory Love Channel and watch his parents in action.

“Wonder what things I’ll learn,” he said, and smiled broadly as he realized he always thought of his dad as a bottom.

“Well, soon I’ll know,” he laughed, knowing his parents were already guessing what he was laughing about.

***

Bernie Nofel has been a part of San Diego's writing community since Old Towne was just called "Town." His contest-winning flash fiction pieces have been accepted in several anthologies. He teaches public speaking, and his readings in Dime Stories have been recognized as Standouts on numerous occasions. His novel, "Mirror Mirror: A Mystery" is available on Amazon.